Author: Katie

Today I woke up at 1:30 am and couldn’t fall back asleep.  The reason for this restlessness is probably because a lot is currently on my mind and is overwhelming me.  I automatically anticipated today being bad from the moment I realized I was up for the day.  I am not in the best mood and it’s hard to mentally rise to the occasion with less than two hours of sleep under way.

As I was doing my hair and getting ready to go to my internship after my restless night, some thoughts interrupted my lethargic and negative feelings.  At worst, today will be a bad day.  But what exactly is wrong with a bad day?  Taking it one step further what exactly is wrong with a bad time period in my life whether it be a bad month, a bad year, or a single bad experience?  There’s that saying: without bad there’s no good… without dark there’s no light.  Ok… admittedly sometimes that saying is hard for me to believe.  I mean, I would accept a life of only happiness and ease any day without all the sadness and pain that typically accompanies it.  It seems like I am contradicting my point which is what is wrong with a bad day?  So let me get to specifically why I don’t think a bad day is bad!

While a bad day may be uncomfortable and unpleasant, without it how would we grow?  In order to expand our ability to be resilient we have to put ourselves in positions to be resilient.  In order to change, we need those moments when we realize things are bad enough that we need to change.  And after the storm subsides- which it always does- we are always better than we were before it.  We are stronger, wiser, happier and more complete as people.  We have a wider perspective on life and more experiences.  And sometimes, not only does the storm subside but things actually turn around in our favor because life has a funny way of doing that.  When it’s in our favor, it may or may not be the outcome we hoped for but I am a firm believer that it happened that way because someone was looking out for us.  It happened in a way that was in our best interest.

So  if you find yourself in similar position to the one I am in this morning, and you’re riding the storm- keep in mind it’s going to be ok.  You’re not only going to get through it alive but you’re going to be better after it’s over.  When you find you’re feeling sorry for yourself definitely go through all those feelings.  Pout, mope, vent. And then if you can find it in yourself, be grateful for it because all it means is that you are in the process of evolution into a better you.  Take a deep breath.  You are not alone.

 

 

Back in the good old days during my adolescent years, I experienced an obsession with Japanese anime.  There was this one show called Fruits Basket.  It’s been a lot of years since I have seen this show, but I have been thinking about a story that was told in one of the episodes lately, how it applies to my life, and how it applies to other people’s lives around me.  I would like to share it with you.

It’s called The Most Foolish Traveler in the World:

——-

Once upon a time, there was a foolish traveler who had gone on a journey.

Why was he foolish? Well, because he was fooled by everyone he met!

“Please, some money for medicine…?”

Everywhere he went, people made up all kinds of sad stories to tell him, and the traveler fell for every one of them.

“I have a sick younger sister…”

“I don’t have money to buy seeds to plant in my fields.”

Pretty soon, his money, his clothes, even his shoes had been cheated away from him.

But the foolish traveler was always glad to help. And he always told the people the same thing.

He said: “I wish you happiness.”

But by this point, though, the traveler was completely naked, and with nothing left to cover himself, he decided to leave the main road and travel through the dense forest, where no one could see him…

But soon, he was discovered by the goblins that lived in the woods. The goblins wanted to eat the traveler’s body, so they begged and pleaded, and used
kind words to try and trick him… Of course, the traveler was fooled.

First, he let the goblins eat one of his legs. Then an arm. Then more and more… Before it was over, all that the traveler had left was his head. He’d even given his eyes away to the last of the goblins… And as that last goblin was eating the traveler’s eyes, he turned and said

“Thank you, traveler. In return, I leave you this present.”

What the goblin left was a slip of paper, with the word “fool” written on it. The traveler couldn’t see it. He didn’t know what it was. Even so, tears began to flow down his face.

“Thank you,” he said. “This is the first present anyone ever gave me. I’m so happy. I’m so happy. Thank you.”

Even without his eyes, he cried and cried, great tears of joy. Then, the traveler died, the smile still on his face.

-Fruits Basket

——–

No doubt about it this story is morbid!  It is harsh to identify someone as kind as the traveler as a “fool”.  I know a lot of people like the traveler in my life, including myself at times, and these types of people are the kindest and biggest hearted people.  However, I think it is important to recognize there is some truthfulness to reality of the travelers unfortunate consequence.

I am getting my masters in counseling, so I know many people who run their lives to attend to other peoples’ needs (it is just the nature of the mental health profession, but these types of people can come from all walks of life).  Maybe people have different reasons for doing this but I have a hunch about one of the main underlying reasons: these types of people get TONS of satisfaction through helping others.  This doesn’t seem like a big problem except that if you are constantly attending to others, it is easy to lose site of your own needs, and in the bigger picture, to lose ownership of yourself.  Even though it is true that we can use our support systems (family, friends, etc.) to help take care of us, we cannot solely rely on our support systems–our best caretaker and advocate is “the self”.  Only we can fully meet the needs of our mind, bodies and souls as individuals.  No one is going to make me exercise, eat right, and find my happiness but myself.  Even if people could take care of each other to the fullest extent, the truth is that most people would not chose to because they are self interested.

The more and more we help others and let it consume us, the easier it is to “lose sight” like the traveler did (only in a figurative way).  We become in a trance and numb to our own needs.  We forget how much we should value ourselves to have a rich fulfilling life.  It’s true that these types of people never take small acts of kindness for granted as small acts of kindness are rare.  Typically these people find themselves being taken advantage of.  Just as these “kind people” get into a pattern of living their lives only for others, the people around them may fall into a pattern of taking advantage.  It seems as though the world will keep taking and taking from you until you firmly set the boundaries for it to stop.  Some people are better at setting boundaries than others.

So- never lose site of how important it is to take care of YOU.  You are important and deserve a little of your own attention from time to time.

Find a balance- be like the traveler when it’s appropriate but know your limits.  After all, you probably want to keep your body parts and limbs, right?  Just saying.

Actions are the best form of communication, measure of validation, and best way to show commitment.  People emphasize words too often- which is understandable.  Words are easy and fast to say.  Words are also a good reflection of our feelings in the moment, but they do not represent who we are, what we want, and what are intentions are over a period of time.   Every moment is important (don’t get me wrong) one moment doesn’t determine who we are over a long period of time.   There are times when we really want our words to hold a lot of weight but more often then not it is actions that back up the truth of the words behind them… or back up that the words being said are empty.

Why do actions hold so much weight, but they are difficult for us to believe in?  Why are words sometimes so empty, but we want so badly to believe them?  I believe this has a lot to do with logic versus emotion.  We value logic in our culture, and we want to believe in how things should be.  Langage is directly connected to logic, so it is something we want to believe to be true all the time.  However, actions are a reflection of something deeper- that is, instinctively and emotionally what we want.  Our emotions are not usually based on logic and they do not follow the rule of how things “should be”.  Emotions often get the best of us even when we try so hard to combat them with reason and logic.  Actions are a direct result of our emotions… They come from somewhere deeper than logic.  They come from the reality of how things actually are, while words come from how we think things ought to be.

Actions are the most valid communication tool because they take effort.  Someone has to really mean something in a deep way to follow through with an action.  If someone doesn’t make the effort to follow through with an action, it might say that the action didn’t align with how that person truly felt.  People can pretend when they speak, but they cannot pretend when they do.  So whenever you are hesitant about someone’s intentions or commitment, look at the history of their actions and that will tell you a lot. If you want to try to understand the rawness of how someone is communicating to you, you can observe their actions involving you and not necessarily their words.  Sometimes accepting the raw truth is painful (especially when it is hard to understand) so it is easier to dismiss actions and pay attention to the things that help us believe what we want to believe.  It is easy to ignore peoples actions when it is painful to face the reality of the intent behind them.  But the intent is there, regardless of whether we want to ignore it or not.  So the way I see it, the best option is for us to not ignore. Accepting the truth is not the easy route, but in the long run it is the most powerful route.

 

On a day when you are thinking about a relationship you have with someone, and are contemplating how you are benefitting from that relationship or what that person is all about remember:  people’s actions will never lie to you.  You can use that knowledge to protect yourself from bad situations. You can use that knowledge to make the best choices for you.

 

One Love! What about the one heart? One Heart!
What about – ? Let’s get together and feel all right

…Thanks Bob Marley!

I think the term “making love” is more than what we think it is.  What do you usually think of when you think of this term?  I’ll tell you what I think!  SEX.

And then the debate starts (one that I’ve had many times before), what do you think the difference is between just having sex and making love? Hmm.  Don’t know?  Can’t really put the words to it?

Well, I’ll tell you what I think.  I don’t think making love is just a form of sex, although it can be.  But to really understand what it means to make love, I think you have to understand the bigger picture of it.  Have you ever heard of the term- “make love, not war”?  Well as far as I am concerned this term has absolutely nothing to do with sex.  It has to do with the controversy of war- at least two sides being divided and against each other- versus two sides being at peace- or undivided and whole (which is love).  Making war means there are at least clearly two separate parts of something (maybe more), at battle, not seeing eye to eye, and making love means there is a sense of unity between at least two parts.  There may be separate components making up something that is whole, but the point is that those components form one altogether (so if they form “one” in the big picture there’s no use in viewing the components as separate- they are fluid).  Let me give you an example: think about how many tiny grains of sand are on a beach (kind of mind boggling for me because I don’t do math much!).  Sure there are way to many to count or even imagine, but at the end of the day all those tiny grains make up one beach and that’s all that matters.  I am convinced that making love is making wholeness.  Making one out of two or three or five or so on.  In this sense, making love can happen anywhere and anytime.  Making love is basically those moments you feel a sense of wholeness with someone or something.  That someone may be your friend, your family members, a pet, or even yourself.  Sometimes it may be you viewing a beautiful scene when you feel a sense of connection with the world, and everything comes together somehow.  Making love can be sex… it can be when you have amazing sex with someone and you feel like you are connected as a whole in mind, body and spirit with that person.  At the same time, it may be when you lock eyes with that same partner, and you feel a deep kind of connection that gaps any physical separation.

Just some food for thought.

Hello.  First of all… let’s address the name of this blog- “the search within me”.. what a goofy sounding title!  It’s what I came up with a year ago when I thought the idea of starting a blog would be cool and personally rewarding as one of my own therapeutic outlets.  It’s true though that where I am at in my life is a significant time of self discovery and awakening.  I think another reason I started this blog was because I came to terms with my journey and wanted to process through it by writing and reaching out to people.  Really, the acceptance that we are all on a journey allows us to give ourselves the go ahead to be on the “search” with 100 percent commitment.  The acceptance and the embrace of the search opens the door for additional room to grow in the sense that more mistakes can be made and learned from, more awareness can be a direct result, and ultimately, more success can be achieved.  If I think about it enough I suppose we are all on this search but whether we realize it or not is key to how much we want to grow and let it impact us in a good way.  Someone once said to me: “I am what I am and I am what I ain’t.”  I hardly doubt that’s true for anyone, even if people want to believe it.  The nature of this world is to always be changing and the way humans exist over time isn’t any exception.  People are constantly being reshaped by everything around them.  It sounds exhausting and at times really can be but I also see it as something beautiful.  After all what is life without change, without growth, without mystery that draws us forward?

 

All in all, welcome to my blog and a window into my own search.  I hope you enjoy reading about it, whoever you are and I hope even more that somehow you are able to relate and grow through my experiences and the thoughts I share with you.