As the New Year creeps toward me, I am trying to ground myself. I may be getting older (almost 25 now) but right now is as young as the start of any other beginning in every way. This moment moving forward will unquestionably bring fresh opportunities and insights that come anytime there’s a new start. These days, I am trying to approach my time with a sense of curiosity instead of carrying old resentments with me from day to day. Letting go is the only way I find I can both learn and unlearn information to my advantage. In order to let go I have to constantly remind myself that I know nothing and my feelings do not extend as true beyond their presence in my mind.
It will never be, in human time, December 25th, 2016 again. However, In reality it is debatable whether time even exists beyond our collective minds. As far as we know time is as close to reality as our brains can contemplate. Time may be just a thing that happens in the space we perceive it and everything beyond that could hold an infinite number of answers we will never truly understand. But we rely on our best version of the truth so we can believe in something acceptable, dependable, and comfortable. We seek safety in having concrete beliefs.
Here’s a thought though. What if the things we hold onto actually don’t bring us comfort at all? What if accepting that we know nothing- including time, is really difficult for us to do, but it is actually where we can find comfort? Accepting that we know nothing can include letting go of concepts as big as time or ideas as small as believing someone is good or bad by fact. Letting go of knowing is letting go of reasons to feel resentment, reasons to be afraid, and/or hatred of others.
In theory it works but I admit it is such a hard thing to do. Up until just a couple of years ago my hope has always taken shape in the form of magic. This magic was something I naively grasped and often created within myself. My truth was constructed by me, a blind artist and a dreamer who created work that was either irresistably blissful or deeply painful. It’s funny how things change; for better or worse. You could say that I’ve lost my inoccence but I no longer try to make things up from scratch. Instead of magic, I now find my faith in science and wisdom that’s been established outside of me. It is far less magical but I feel happier for it. I even feel safety from it.
This holiday I am trying to remember that letting go is love. I remember I know nothing accept that we are all here and all in whatever we are doing together. The walls we put up and the judgements we form are nothing but our own creations and letting them go is deciding to emerse ourselves in true compassion for everyone and everything.
thesearchwithinme 