It’s everywhere around you, every day, all the time. It’s an epidemic most people are completely blind to because it is so good at hiding itself. It’s so sneaky, it makes us want to blame all of its destruction on other sources. It hides in single words, in people’s heads, in conversations, in intentions, in actions, and it’s stirring in each one of us all the time. We don’t have to look to find it- it’s something we are constantly exposed to, to varying degrees at different times.
It’s judgment. And it is literally killing us inside. We don’t see it, so we don’t fight back.
Judgment happens in all forms. It takes place when the voice in our heads tells us we aren’t good enough. It happens when we respond with our body language to things we don’t like. It happens when we take “sides” against each other during conflicts. I even see it happening between people who undoubtedly have so much love for each other. In fact, judgment is not always malicious- sometimes it comes from the most loving places. However, whether judgment is made out of anger or out of love, it is still judgment… which makes it still damaging.
Judgment is easily passed on. For example, a parent may raise a child to believe he has to meet some sort of expectation. These expectations could be anything from having a certain level of athleticism, maintaining a specific kind of physical appearance, achieving a high level of academics, etc. As this child grows, his parent may make statements hinting at him not being good enough when he doesn’t meet the established expectations. Chances are the child will not be able to meet the established expectations at some point, and the parent will in some way make the child feel less valuable because of it. The judgment will be projected externally onto the child by the parent. As the child grows up into adult hood, he believes he should be a certain way and he puts immense pressure on himself throughout his life. When considering his failure in meeting the expectation, he feels shameful. The judgment is now coming from inside the adult, even though it was once being fed to him from the outside. He will judge himself, telling himself he is not the way he is “supposed” to be. This cycle continues as the adult sees others around him and makes judgments about them because they don’t fit into what he considers to be “right.” The people around him will feel the impacts of his judgment, and will in turn probably end up judging themselves or feeling defensive and angry.
Everyone has problems. No one is perfect. That’s easy to say, but hard to remember. No one can permanently meet the golden standard he or she is brainwashed to believe is true. People are people, not machines. So… Here’s a thought: what if we aren’t “supposed” to be a certain way? If we are what we are, whenever we are, why can’t that be good enough? We don’t have to let loving our current selves hold us back from self improvement…there’s no reason we can’t have both. What if we don’t give in to the judgments as soon as we start to feel them surfacing within us? What if we just noticed what people do and who they are? Not feeding into our resentment will allow it to eventually die. I believe if we approached the world like this more often, we would be saying goodbye to so much of the pain we endure in life. We would be saying goodbye to what fuels our hatred. We aren’t designed to be perfect; our problems are as natural and normal as the sun, the sky, and the ocean. Just as you can observe that nature is always changing, you can observe and expect problems to always be in constant fluctuation. Sometimes problems transform, get better, get worse, or are replaced with new problems. Either way they will always be there but in many ways they can bring out the best in us if we give them the chance.
Even mistakes don’t have to turn into judgments or resentments. Making mistakes is humanizing. Chances are every single person you have ever come into contact with has made many mistakes. I think mistakes should be fully owned and celebrated. It’s refreshing to know we can make them without letting them define us. We are neither our mistakes nor our problems. We are just people who can use our mistakes and problems as driving forces of empowerment. If you don’t let them kill you, chances are they will only make you stronger.
If our problems are natural and here to stay, then maybe we should just let them be what they are. Fighting them is like trying to turn the sky a different color. Ultimately, our true problem isn’t our problems; it’s our judgment of our problems. The resolution we crave can happen when we embrace everything we are with compassion, all the good and the bad.
thesearchwithinme 